Yesterday was a wonderful Mother's Day, made possible because of my loving husband(and loving sister-in-law). Since we have the perfect marriage and perfect children it all came together perfectly.
No it really was wonderful, I just felt myself turning into one of those people for a second. My sister-in-law actually gave me the best card this year(my husband can't afford cards). Inside she thanked me for being a great mom. Loosely translated that means thank you for going another year without beating my niece or nephew even when it would have been justified.
At least weekly, sometimes daily, I am reminded that being a stay at home mom is not at all what I thought it would be. This really is not surprising because as I think back on my childhood I don't think I knew even one stay at home mom. It's sort of like being hired to coach rugby without ever having watched a match. Same number of injuries as rugby too.
I always thought that SAHM was what people fell back on. The really intelligent, highly qualified, achiever types got real jobs like doctor, lawyer, Indian chief. I was an AP/IB student, graduated from the University of California, and yet find myself at times vastly under qualified for a job that's main position focus is "prepares snacks". What I have figured out is that to be a bad mom takes little or no effort. In fact you can actively be trying to ruin your kids and still be considered a mom. It's becoming great mom that presents the challenge.
I want to cook nutritious, yummy meals, at a discount. Have a home that is near perfectly clean. I only want as much dirty laundry as will reasonably fit in the basket. I want to love my husband, and be an example to our children. I want to be patient with every tantrum, read every book, play every game, dress every Barbie. I want to be deeply concerned with my kids spiritual, emotional, and social growth at all times. I also don't want to be too high strung.
I want to be a mom in the 99th percentile.
I read that before becoming the first female Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi was a stay at a home mom for 17 years. I think of this often when I am pondering my future. Who even knows what amazing things lay ahead of me. I may be under qualified for motherhood but if I can get my kids to stop whining I will be qualified to broker peace in the Middle East.
Where the heck are you?
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5 comments:
I have such a grand old time trading sarcasms back and forth with you that the sincere comment I am about to attempt might be difficult-not because I don't mean it, just because it is so tempting to insert a "bad mother" or "obnoxiously self righteous" joke into just about every conversation we have...but Lisa, I have been so inspired by your take on motherhood. I grew up in a community where EVERYONE was a SAHM. It never occurred to me that I would really ever do anything else even though I wanted to. I was the oldest of five, so I raised, like, at least 2 of them. So with that background, I am so impressed by your take on this gig given that you had zero example from which to build, essentially starting from scratch. It's truly remarkable. There is more, but that's already annoyingly long for a blog comment.
I swear I wasn't fishing for compliments, but you are right Ashley. I am awesome.
To be in the 99th percentile means that out of 100 people, 98 are less competent than you. I could easily find 98 moms who don't do it half as well as Lisa. We do live in the IE.
Your thoughts are honest and great. Thanks for not offing my children, although they deserve it.
SAHM: "serving awesome hot meals, or sweet a** hot mama"
--Patrick
You are an example for everyone. People's reproductive organs should be disabled until they feel about motherhood as do you. Once they are there, then they can fool around if they want (but they won't, because they'd understand how not worth the effort it is to raise a kid impoperly). You are awesome!
P.S., I replied to your concerns about my argument. Let me know what you think.
Just got home from dancing and had to tell you that OMG, I'm so glad we are blog friends and real friends now that we've met! Too bad our husbands didn't become fast friends even though we tried to force it. We'll work on it.
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